Sleep well, even at the nights you couldn’t hear me say it. Believe me I still did. I still don’t know how this whole thing happened, never believed but now I realize never question fairy tales. I think back, every word I’ve said, everything we’ve done is still so clear, but a blur through time. I just hope the rest of our life doesn’t go by too fast, but it prolly will, I hope you don’t mind.
The person who really loves you sees what a mess you can be, how moody you can get, and how hard you are to handle. But, still wants you in his life
(Source: missweirdo)
(via dorothyyx)
Don’t miss the chance to grow, and resolve to pay the price until, you learn, change, grow, Become. Then you’ll discover life’s best treasures when you pay that type of price. - Jim Rohn
We finally arrive to our destination. It was sunny out, super hot, didn’t help, I was heated up. I was actually getting excited though, also super interested about where we are and who these people were. The only thing I understood was that it was tito Ray’s family, my uncle that I haven’t seen for more than a decade. When we pulled in, we were greeted by a nice lady and a man (pardon me if the descriptions are overwhelming). Both had genuine smiles, both welcomed us warmly, so I thought to my self, this can’t be that bad. As I get out of the car, I took my sweet time, I wasn’t in any hurry, believe me. We were projected to stay for almost 3 days, so yeah……….. I sat on a stone side rail, I could smell the food they were preparing inside, smelled good, hmmm, this isn’t that bad at all! I waited, till everyone was out of the car and settled near the entrance to the house.
I was aware of the movements within the house. You can’t help it when your just sitting and waiting. Through the curtains I saw her move down the steps. Slowly, I guess she wasn’t in a hurry either. Cool, someone that felt the same way. She came out with a fabricated smile.. It was forced, so obvious I wanted to tease her about it. She moved through the people, greeting everyone with that same fabric smile. Was I the only one that sensed it? She was a quiet girl, seemed shy but obviously nice. I liked that instantly about her. Wasn’t jumping around smiling at me allready like shallow girls would do. A little girl followed her, like a tail to a horse, which at the time, I thought was her sister. We made eye contact once in 5 minutes. Also another extraordinary feat, impressive. Didn’t take long for us to be moving around and end up close to each other. Awkward meetings and greetings. It was a vacation, I wanted to have fun. Maybe evoke cupids arrows once again like I did so many times before. My little cousin was single. She looked young enough. With my patented grin on my face, I turned my head, look at her eyes and…
“How old are you.”
Had to help out caregiving erlier today. It was pretty interesting. Interesting in the sense of lots of emotions going through me. Not that it was pretty, (gross) or (distasteful) especially to a 21 year old guy that has never been around that. It was a bit more than. Not just trying to save face, afraid that saying it grossed me out, might paint me in a darker shade. But really it was more of an experience that taught. Something that was good for me, it was a lesson that you don’t really get in any other place, but places and situations like this.
I just got done helping an old alzheimer patient(don’t know his age) get out of the toilet„„„ and into his wheel chair. That sentence doesn’t take much to say, but doing it was uhh….more?… Had to help him up, by his two withered arms. Withered meaning wrinkled and pale, arms meaning weak and thin. His skin was dead white, with little brown blotches, his hair was thin, pale and colorless„ like his skin. He had a contorted posture, like he’s curling up, but can’t quite do it„ this makes it hard for him to stand of coarse, and even harder to put a diaper on him. Actually I had to hold his weight on my arms for the 1 minute it took for Kuya Marty to diaper him.
He doesn’t talk, his mind is too gone for that. Alzheimer’s took every memory away from him. I wonder if he really did forget, the dreams he worked hard to accomplish and was so proud of. First dog, his first car, when he had to trade it in and finally get a serious one. When he met the girl he loved, when he realized she was the one. First time they slow danced. The first thing he said to her. Where they went for the first date, the first kiss maybe? First anniversary? Probably not. He had children, did he forget them? Can’t even ask him if I wanted to. How did it feel, to hold the first in your arms. Hardships he had to face, when a deer went through his wife’s garden, haha. Probably not, something tells me though those things are all in their somewhere, it just can’t get out. Forgetting those things is unimaginable. The things that make you up as a person. Losing those is losing your soul.
Everything about him was old, and faded, that is„„ except for one thing. When we finally set him down on his wheel chair. I took a step back, exhausted. Thinking to myself, no way a woman caregiver can do that, but that’s excactly what they do. As he sat he moaned and grumbled, no meanings just wordless uttering. Thats when I noticed them. His eyes was still bright blue. The only thing that’s permanent. It was probably as blue as when he was my age, when he had my energy, my thirst for life. I realized this man was probably the same as me back then. Woke me up to a realization. What is that? Everyday that’s given to you is a day taken away. Spend it right, pursue your dream, do things that your passionate about, of coarse this only matters and is “fun” if you have the one you love. Make someone laugh, shock someone out of boredom. Give attention to the person that no one talks to. Every day your concious, is time god gave you to live in full conciousness. Living in the world is alot like living with your woman. Don’t live mindlessly, as if life is about your work. Give your love and your strength to her everyday. Only then will the world give back to you, in both loving and dreams.
